Who’s Who in Your Youth Group

After 21 years of teaching in a public high school, volunteering in many youth groups, and leading small-group Bible studies, I have realized that over the years, in many different settings, there is an uncanny phenomenon…there are 10 archetypal teenagers in every group. Whether in the classroom, in youth groups, in activities and clubs, on sports teams, the same kids are always there. Like clones of the kids of past generations. As a Christian, I don’t believe in reincarnation, but it never ceases to amaze me how kids change, but stay exactly the same. Let me show you what I mean. Meet the 10 kids in every group. I have included some tips and tricks of the trade that may help you connect with these teens and utilize their superpowers, and also how to troubleshoot some of their quirks:

• The Greeter. AKA-Everyone’s best friend. This teen has never known a stranger. He or she is the ultimate extrovert who thrives on connections with other humans. You don’t have to ask these teens to help make everyone feel welcome; it is in their DNA.
• What works? Let them do their thing. You can make it official and give them the job of greeting students, with a focus on new people or those that don’t group themselves up. These teens are happy to introduce new people to regulars.
• Troubleshooting: Sometimes these teens get overstimulated and burn out. They need to have some down time also. Being the bubbly social committee leader can start to feel more like a job and expectation when constantly asked to perform. Be sure not to constantly “assign” these teens to monitor the social well-being of all wallflowers and newbies at all times. They need time to kick it with their good friends and just blend in.

• The Bible Scholar. AKA-I know enough Bible facts to win on Jeopardy: the one hosted by God.
• You can bet this teen also memorizes Bible verses in a flash and performs just as well in an academic setting. He or she is performance oriented and is likely a perfectionist or has OCD. This teen thrives on success and knowing the right answer before you finish the question. This teen may or many not be outgoing in other areas.
• What works? You can count on this teen to be willing to answer almost anything. He or she has a vast wealth of ready-to-go textbook perfect answers. When no one else will answer, just give this teen “the look” and they will come in clutch. They probably were already jumping out of their seat when they realized they had an opening to speak.
• Troubleshooting: This teen can sometimes come across as a know-it-all, which annoys some people who take more time to think of answers. I like to call on these teens every 3rd or 5th question for their own social survival. Also, while he or she knows the “right” answer, this may cause them to avoid depth of thinking and being open to the Holy Spirit’s teaching in the moment. They also may not connect as well to others due to a few factors: 1. They already know the “right” answer, 2. They don’t acknowledge “wrong” answers, and 3. They actually have an acute fear of failure that keeps them from relaxing and connecting. Remember they are performance based. Whatever you do, DO NOT make a big deal of it if they, God forbid, give the wrong answer. You will send them down a shame spiral.

• The Introvert. AKA-Please don’t make me participate in games.
• Some teens are introverts. A general mistake made at youth group meetings is that everyone needs to participate in the same way and that lack of participation signals something is wrong or a lack of zeal for God and the group. Don’t take it personally if someone does not react with the same energy to your enthusiastic prompt of, “Come on, it will be fun!” They are not rejecting you, they are just so far out of their comfort zone already by attending a large group function or meeting.
• What works? Never force an introvert to participate in large group games if they have said they don’t want to. Instead, they will probably chose to buddy up next to another introvert or youth leader and chat while they watch the game or activity. This can be an important way for your introvert to build trust and feel safe in your group. Make sure one of the leaders is noticing the body language of the introvert. If they seem happy to be on the sidelines, they are having fun. If they seem sad or withdrawn, they may need an adult to chat them up so they can share something they won’t share with a peer.
• Troubleshooting: Let the introvert set the pace for learning to trust the leaders and other teens in the group. They learn just as much from observing as others learn from participating. Have them work one on one with other students or in small groups of fewer than 5. They will eventually build a rapport and open up as they feel comfortable. Introverts keep their circle small, but build deep friendships. When grouping teens, remember, 2 introverts do not equal an extrovert. If you put two introverts alone together, they will just sit there and stare or find something like their phone to distract them from the uncomfortable situation. Pair them with a best friend type extrovert, or a mellow, but outgoing peer.

• The PDA Committee. AKA-“Get a Room” or “This one time, at church camp…”
• These teens are highly affectionate. HIGHLY affectionate. They always have to stand near each other, hold hands if it is allowed, nudge each other and stare at each other during events and even Bible studies. In some cases they make others uncomfortable and can be downright awkward. Sometimes teens don’t differentiate between appropriate PDA in modern society vs. appropriate PDA in the church environment. Always approach these moments as opportunities for learning. Teens should be able to have healthy and loving relationships within the context of God’s plan. Having solid boundaries for the times when everyone is in a group is a must.
• While young love is a strong force, these teens need to keep from isolating themselves or ostracizing their other friends. Further, their obsession with each other is a major distraction from the concepts and tools they would be getting from a great Bible lesson or from interacting with other people.
• What works? Let them work together sometimes, and apart other times. Separating into gender groups will be the easiest way to make them realize there are other people in the room and make other connections.
• Troubleshooting: It is probably a good time to present The Rose Lesson. Like I mentioned above, have solid and specific boundaries for couple conduct while at church and youth events. The 18 inches apart rule, or no PDA during youth group or church functions rule, or the “leave room for the Holy Spirit” rule are all effective.

• Chip (on his shoulder). AKA-Debbie Downer or Negative Nellie.
• There is one in every group. No matter how fun the games are, how many donuts you offer (which he or she will eat), how riveting the lesson is, this teen will find fault with all of it. It is as if this person is allergic to happiness and a good time. People will try to include Chip and talk to Chip, and Chip will just nod and fire back with something like, “Yeah, that sounds fun if you are an idiot,” or, “I would play, but I sprained my spleen.” Whether it is a bad attitude, a diatribe on the series of unfortunate events that are Chip’s life, or a constant illness or injury that seems to travel around his or her body, this teen will make sure everyone knows he or she is unhappy.
• What works? This type of personality is complex. Unlike the other teens, there are many reasons Chip may be acting this way ranging from seeking any attention and finding negative attention is more available, to trauma or abuse, a fear of connection or lack of trust, fear of failure or not fitting in (self-fulfilling prophecies), or learned negativity from another environment such as home or school. There is no one solution.
• Troubleshooting: Connecting with this teen requires God-given patience, trial and error, and a commitment to keep pursuing and including this teen. Pray for an opening and for Chip to have a soft heart and keep trying to connect. This teen will say no to 50 invitations to join activities, but the fact that you keep asking will eventually break through. Either this teen will realize you won’t give up or will give in to your request to get you to get off his or her back. Either way, the door will be opened.

• The Devotees. AKA-the core kids, the lifers, the clique.
• This is the group of teens who have been in the church together since they were in the nursery in pull ups. Their parents are probably members of the church and they will grow up to be leaders in the church. Church, youth group, and Bible study are part of their lives. They are at the church at least two to three times a week. They speak freely about God and the Bible and are willing to pray OUT LOUD in front of the WHOLE GROUP. They have been in Sunday School as long as public school (a few are home schooled), they always win Bible sword drills and are called on to perform various tasks on a regular basis (Hey, Devotee, can you ask your dad, the church treasurer, when the money for camp is due?). These teens are always in the know, excited to be involved, and build their social life around their church and youth events. They also know and are known by most of the adults in the church.
• What works? These teens are the dream teens. They are in youth group because they want to be. They want to live for God and share Him with their unchurched friends. The problem is that they don’t have very many unchurched friends.
• Troubleshooting: Sometimes these teens have been close to their group for so long, that is is hard for others to truly break into this friend group. Infrequent visitors and new people will be welcomed in, but may feel like outsiders due to the clear and solid bond of the devotees. It is a tough situation; teens come and go, but the devotees are forever. This makes new people feel excluded, but the devotees may not feel open to people who will be here one day and gone the next. It is hard for them to invest in temporary friendships when their devotee relationships are so close and already cemented. Making the devotees aware of these dynamics will go a long way to make them sensitive to including and welcoming people into their group. These really are good teens who understand God’s love and inclusion in their own lives as well as the importance of serving others.

• Socialites. AKA- Social Media Obsessed
• These teens live for an audience of hundreds, maybe thousands on social media. Their lives are a product of their own creation. They may post about church and youth group, and even add some profound and spiritual captions, but their motives are usually to show that they are spiritual and not to point to God.
• It isn’t their fault, per se, everyone is addicted to their devices and social media, right? How else are they going to share the love of God than by creating a TikTok of the game that is played or a selfie in their church clothes “feeling cute?”
• These teens are literally addicted to their phones. They check them frequently throughout youth group, they take pictures of each activity and during each transition, and they can have their day made or ruined by comments, likes, or thumbs down.
• What works? You will have tons of free advertising for your youth group, and people will be informed about dates and time. You can put these teens to work on social media getting the word out about upcoming events and meetings. The problem is you can’t control what they post all of the time. They may also have some questionable posts from other events or happenings with different friend groups or post things counter to Christian doctrine, which will confuse “seekers.”
• Troubleshooting: Set boundaries for Bible study time and make no phone zones as needed. The teens need to make real connections with actual people in order to grow and maintain a true sense of reality. Also, time away from their phones will give them time to learn about God and how to live for an audience of one. I would emphasize that last part as often as possible.

• The Rebels. AKA- “Too School for Cool.”
• These teens are typically not joiners. There are many reasons they attend youth group: Their parents make them, they have a friend or two there, they are seeking, but not convinced that the Gospel is real, or they want to get out of the house. Usually, these teens have strong ties to popular culture, music, habits (such as vaping, sometimes drinking or other drugs, sometimes sexual sin). They are the “rebels” because they may have a past or are currently living a double life. They want what Jesus offers, but not the accountability. It is a hard sell to give up things that give them pleasure or safety. A lot of times, their behaviors are learned from their environment, either at home, or from a lack of parent involvement all together. Many times they have been left to navigate the world alone.
• What works? Keep these teens engaged. Talk to them about real things and how God has a better way. Make them feel accepted in their current state and that God doesn’t want them to stay there because He has a plan and purpose. Many times, rebels don’t buy in because they don’t see a place for themselves in the group/church/Christian life. Once they buy in, though, they will be powerful witnesses to their friend groups.
• Troubleshooting: Sometimes rebels are more talk than action. Some are good actors and put up walls to protect themselves. Many have trust issues due to the circumstances mentioned above. They would be loners, if there weren’t other rebels in the group. When talking to rebels, be candid and real. Rebels respect that. Respect is the key to connection. If a rebel does not feel respected, they will never open up to you.

• The Loner. AKA-Wallflower, person of mystery, stuck up.
• This teen has a very hard time connecting with people.
• Unlike the introvert and the rebel, this teen may have underlying psychological issues that go beyond other personality types.
• You can spot a loner by their verbal and non-verbal cues. In general, they will refuse to participate and won’t talk very much. They usually create distance between themselves and others. They are usually interpreted by other teens as stuck up, too good for them, crazy, nerdy, and several other names because no one really knows them.
• The Loner may be dealing with one or more of the following: Extremely low self-esteem, fear of failure, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, social disorders such as phobias or mood disorders, trauma from current or past abuse, acute shyness, speech impediment, learning disabilities, etc. There is always a reason that loners isolate themselves from others. It could be minor, like acute shyness (which could be handled the same as an introvert), to a major issue (which needs to be handled carefully and sometimes under the advice of a professional).
• What works? Match the loner’s energy level when communicating. This will make them feel more at ease. Assume there is a reason for the behavior, but don’t make assumptions about what the reason is.
• Troubleshooting: If there are others at church who know the student in other settings, or his or her family attends the church, try to get more information. You can even have the students fill out an interest survey and leave a spot for anything you should know about them. Many students with social or other disorders are fairly forthcoming on a need to know basis. Consult a professional if you suspect abuse or a deeper issue than acute shyness or other minor issues. Pray before interactions with this teen and in seeking solutions.

And Finally….

• The Class Clown. AKA- I bring the party, I am the party, or I wonder what would happen if I….
• This teen makes everything exciting. Sometimes too exciting.
• This teen has personality, charisma, and charm for days! And also has no “off” switch. Quick with a hilarious comment or joke at the right and wrong times, it is hard to get mad at this teen. Class Clowns are almost always good natured, love socializing, and embrace being the center of attention. Chances are, and this is meant respectfully, this teen probably has ADD or ADHD. Having an attention deficit disorder has taught this teen that if they are charming and good natured, they will get into less trouble for interrupting in the middle of a lesson or blurting out off topic comments (both symptoms of their ADD or ADHD).
• What works? If the student has ADD or ADHD, there are things they can’t help. It may seem unfair to other group members, but some of the class clown’s antics should simply be ignored. The more attention brought to inappropriate behaviors, the more they escalate. However, the class clown can use their charm and charisma to get everyone excited about games, music, worship, the lesson, spam, buttons, socks, literally anything! The class clown will also volunteer for the gross games like eating weird foods and such. They really are fun-loving people.
• Troubleshooting: If the student has ADD or ADHD, make sure you have their attention before asking them a question. They can be looking right at you and be somewhere else. Say their name and look for signs of life before telling them instructions, asking questions, or correcting behavior. Never embarrass them, they get that enough at school. Talk to them privately as soon as the opportunity arises. Don’t call out only their name if several people are engaging in the same behaviors. Class clowns become the scapegoat and example way too often. Redirect them by having them look something up, rearrange furniture for small groups, etc. The more physically active the task, the better. Class clowns have a hard time sitting still. If they are simply “clowners” who enjoy the socializing and attention, find a job for them that utilizes their talents.

So now you know more about the 10 personality types you are highly likely to encounter in youth group or really in any large group setting. I am hopeful that these insights will help you understand and troubleshoot situations that arise when you get a lot of really different people together to focus on one thing, in this case, the Gospel and God’s love for each of them. After all, God made each of them exactly as they are to fulfill their unique purposes for His glory. I wish you the very best as you take on the giant task and responsibility of bringing up the next generation of God’s army.

If you would like to find out who’s really who in your youth group, you can also have the group fill out a personality survey such as:

https://www.123test.com/personality-test/.

These types of personality surveys give both leaders and youth insight into their own personality and how others give and receive information. They find out what is important to different people with different personality types, which in turn, helps them understand each other’s needs and get along better. These are great for team builders for the leadership as well.