“I don’t want to influence women to do something – I want you to feel that empowerment, like you could do that,” she emphasizes. “A lot of women don’t do it because they don’t know how to, but a lot of women wish they could.” She pauses and raises her eyebrow. “Because nobody likes to spend they own money!”
Cardi B in an interview with Alex Macpherson for the Guardian (2017)
Back in 2017, Cardi B told Alex Macpherson, reporter for the Guardian, that her goal was to empower women to use men the way that men use women. She was quoted as saying, “I don’t want to influence women to do something – I want you to feel that empowerment, like you could do that,” she emphasizes. “A lot of women don’t do it because they don’t know how to, but a lot of women wish they could.” She pauses and raises her eyebrow. “Because nobody likes to spend they own money!” In context, Cardi B was describing that it was easy to take advantage of a man because they are, in her opinion, weak, soft, stupid and easily manipulated, according to her own lyrics.
The point she is making is that since some men think that it is okay to use women, it should then be empowering for women to use men, instead. To play the player, so to speak. This ideology came screaming into the center of American culture, and specifically young African American culture with the release of Cardi B’s song, WAP, which quickly climbed up the charts and was deemed, “Song of the Year,” on Billboard and at the 2021 Grammy Awards. At the awards ceremony, Cardi B embodied the lyrics of WAP by performing lewd sexual acts on stage with her co-performer Megan Thee Stallion. Again, Cardi B’s sentiment that this song empowers women to take control of their sexuality and use men instead of being used, was echoed by countless news, music, and social media platforms.
Now before you think this article is about bashing Cardi B, let me assure you that is not the intent. Cardi B is giving the consumer exactly what they want or her sales and popularity would not be skyrocketing. Song of the Year means it was one of the most played and popular songs of 2020. Her view on empowerment is completely inline with the view of many feminists that revenge is the best revenge when you have been hurt, used, or abused. Empowerment, then, is a function of revenge: You hurt me, I destroy you. This ideology is the opposite of what psychologists and sociologists say will actually work. I believe the champions of this revenge ideology are really seeking accountability. But accountability is not revenge.
Take, for example, a kid that is being bullied. Would we tell a kid who is getting bullied that he will get his power back by bullying other kids? He would soon turn into the monster he hated and, in turn, begin to hate himself. The logic doesn’t support revenge as a means of empowerment or accountability. In fact, revenge actually perpetuates more bad behavior and a cycle of retaliation.
In the instance of Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s Grammy performance, they performed sex acts on a pole and with each other in front of a live audience and everyone called it empowerment. The performance was what someone would expect to see at a strip club or in pornographic movies. This feeds the appetite of the very people that this empowering revenge was meant to hurt, men who prey on women and use women as sex objects. Quick aside: The reason men perpetrate more sexually based crimes than women is due to the fact that they are the top consumers of pornography and the main clients at strip clubs. Women performing sexual acts in those industries, and getting paid by men to engage in these acts, perpetuates the ideology that women can be used for sex. Further, the “empowering” Grammy performance did nothing to hold men accountable because the show gave them exactly what they wanted, but for free that time. Accountability would mean shutting down the other industries that train men to use women as sex objects. That would empower women to take back their dignity. Okay, back to the original topic.
I can’t help but notice the glaring flaws in the logic that “revenge = empowerment.” I will frame this argument with the old adage, “No one will buy the cow if you give the milk for free.” The original intent of the adage is that giving the milk (physical intimacy) to someone for free (without a commitment to care for, feed, and provide for the cow) would be detrimental to the well-being of the cow. The cow would give away all of its milk and never receive the care it needs to survive and thrive as a cow. Eventually the cow would starve or get sick and die and have nothing to show for all of the milk that was taken from it. There are several important points within this adage that shape the ability of a woman (the cows for our purpose here) to find empowerment.
- The cow in this illustration is giving the milk away. In Cardi B’s statement of empowerment, the milk is usually taken without regard to the emotional and physical well being of the cow. Cardi B suggests the cow should determine to whom and at what time the milk is given. That is empowerment.
- If the milk is taken, without regard to the cow, or if the milk is given by the cow, without requiring care for the cow, isn’t the outcome the same? The milk is gone and the cow is uncared for.
- Empowerment, then would look like one of two things: One, the cow does not let anyone take milk or give milk away without committing to care for the cow, or two, the cow figures out how to care for itself and has no need to give or sell milk.
- The milk should be a condition of the care of the cow. Maybe Cardi B is saying not to give the milk unless you are sure the cow will be cared for? But that isn’t what her statement says. She says, some farmers take milk from cows all the time with no regard for the cow’s care. To become an empowered cow, one must hold onto the milk and give it only to some farmers, some of the time. Well, this will save milk, but doesn’t help the cow flourish in the long run.
- The premise then, would be that by manipulating the farmer to believe the cow may not give the milk away, the farmer will give the cow some care in an effort to get the milk. Well so what? As soon as he gets the milk, no more care will be needed if he was only after the milk in the first place.
- Solution? Don’t give the farmer any milk if he has no intention of caring for the cow. How do you know he cares? Did he purchase the cow? Does he provide care, a home, food, love and security for the cow? If the farmer buys a cow, but chains it out in the pasture without food, he still doesn’t love the cow and deserves no milk. Milk is for devoted farmers who make a lifelong commitment to care for and love the cow.
The conclusion of the matter: If farmers are taking the milk from the cows and not caring for them, they are bad farmers. If farmers are waiting for the cow to give the milk on her terms, only to take the milk and find another cow, thereby avoiding responsibility of caring for the cow, they are bad farmers. If a cow requires a farmer to commit to her care for her whole life, she can, in return, care for the farmer and supply milk for his whole life.
A cow is no better off being selective about who gets free milk, than she would be if the farmer just took the milk. Empowerment, then, is requiring more of farmers. Hold on to your milk. It will udderly make all the difference in your health and well being. Don’t be a dumb cow.
The best revenge is to smile at hatred. To stifle your anger and show them that your happiness is not dependent on their actions. The most effective strategy in most cases is to act calmly and wisely as you move forward, knowing you will not sell yourself short, or compromise your dignity, or become that which you hate. Let go of the anger and forgive in the sense that you won’t carry anger forward to affect your peace and joy in the future. You do not need to carry that burden.
Ultimately, the answer is prayer and the power of God to help you move forward and forgive, knowing God sees, knows, and understands your pain and wants to heal your heart. Leave room for God’s wrath in situations of hurt or betrayal. The Apostle Paul says in Romans chapter 12, “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
For more on forgiveness instead of revenge, click HERE.
For Google Slides Version, click HERE.
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